As parents, we all want the best for our kids. For those who have something, anything, to pass on to the next generation in our family, our intentions may not meet the (unexpected) expectations of our children. A case in point worth sharing. A beautiful, lake front property, held in the family for over 80 years. Summers spent water skiing, being lazy, being kids; now seeing your own kids sharing the experiences you once had, and the grandparents sit and enjoy the sight of their children and grandchildren carrying on the family traditions. 
A ‘simple’ solution is conceived: transfer ownership to the children and allow them to begin managing the property, to allow the parents to ‘retire’ from the day-to-day operations and expense of maintaining the family compound. But wait, the children have different ideas for the property. Some see it as their inheritance to be used for whatever personal gain they can get from it. Others want to honor parent’s intentions. What appeared to be a ‘life gift’ has turned into sibling rivalry mixed with selfish intentions. What to do? After a year of watching the kids argue and fight over positions, the parents stepped back in, and although ownership is no longer in their hands, they  offered to facilitate a mutual agreement that will allow for the property to remain securely within the family for many generations.
The moral of this short story is, if you have a specific intent for something you want to pass on, make this clear to everyone who will have a vested interest, and require an agreement, in writing if needed, before anything changes hands. This level of communication, in some respects, is like a new language and may require the use of a mediator trained in family succession planning. Most people think a mediator is synonymous with being an attorney, which is a simple misconception. In fact, often times having a mediator who is not a lawyer, can offer quite a different perspective. Mediators, by nature, are not advocates; their sole role is to carefully listen to different perspectives, and attempt to find a common ‘thread’ that the parties can use to bring their differences into a mutually agreed upon solution.
Steve Miksis, CPA LinkedIn Profile,  is trained and experienced mediator in family-owned businesses, succession planning and workplace conflict.  
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